The Hiatus

!!!!!!!!!!! Well, thats precisely how it all began. Told someone that I could write a book on it but beginning with this post. 

Sometime back when someone asked me - 'How's life?', my response would have been a simple - 'the usual routine'. Routine for me was about work-home-work-home....the balancing act without a full stop!!!!!!!!!!! Somehow there was never enough time for anything. Always in a hurry. Wonder what the race was all about?! 

And then I hit the 'pause' button! It probably was a realisation that sprung when  I thought - 'what would people remember about me when I die?'. So attuned to picking choices that I couldn't help but think in choice again and here it goes...

a) A perfect ballet dancer! That was metaphorically speaking, people - I happened to always be on my toes and think on my toes, balancing family and work that was weighing quite heavy on the head! 

b) A good HR professional - Where was 'I' here? This was my profession!

c) A good mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend - C'mon, I can do better $#@&**! Those were special characters but not me!!!!'

d) None of the above - Actually I ran out of choices :(

So I asked myself another question - 'what would I want people to remember about me when I die?' and again my choices were as below...

a) Someone who lived life to the fullest
b) Someone who was fit and happy
c) Someone who always had time for anyone and anything
d) Someone who always wanted to try new things, pursue arts, write, create ...... actually I had to stop here since I realised the choices were more than merry 4!
And my answer was a simple - 'All of the above'. And that got me thinking.....and my first step was the hiatus to think more about the whats, hows and whens!

First day off work, I realised 

• I didn't have a mental checklist of things that I had to tick...that was a good beginning. I didn't have to look at my watch every passing second...the watch looked destressed :D 
• I didn't have to prove my performance to none but myself...well, well, golden words - that I realised was a great stress buster in itself :p
• I suddenly had time to pick out the books that I had stacked for reading on a leisurely day...had it not been for the hiatus, I would have probably picked these after retirement ;)
• I actually got in touch with the me and realised I was missing 'just being with my thoughts'...and I was at peace :D

We sometimes get so engrossed with our professional/family routines that we stop smelling the roses, we stop gazing at the stars in the night sky and we miss the pleasures of the small joys that life holds. If you have seen the animation movie 'Rapunzel', there is a wonderful song which encapsulates the beauty of life and I could relate to it completely since I chose to put those exclamation marks to my professional overdrive. For me, this hiatus spelt a new beginning to a new chapter in my otherwise mechanical life.

"Look at the world - so close, and I'm halfway to it! Look at it all - so big - do I even dare? Look at me - there at last! - I just have to do it. 

Should I?
No.
Here I go...
Just smell the grass! The dirt! Just like I dreamed they'd be!Just feel that summer breeze - the way it's calling me
For like the first time ever, I'm completely free!
I could go running....And racing....And dancing....And chasing....And leaping....And bounding...Hair flying....Heart pounding....And splashing....And reeling....And finally feeling
Now's when my life begins!"

And I sang my break away...Ofcourse I still had a plan. I am sure I would feel lost without one. The first few days, I enjoyed the sweet nothings of each passing moment, let down my hair, watched my favourite movies, tripped on all my favourite books. 

Then I began my tryst with nature. Smelt the flowers around,  walked barefoot on the silky grass lawn, gazed at the stars and the moon and for the first time in years enjoyed the golden hues of the sunset. 

I started to look at life differently. I re-discovered my passion for books, writing, music, the metaphysics. Loved every second spent with children, suddenly saw my happiness and passion mirror on my family and saw small positive changes evolving every passing day. Felt new vigor and confidence surging through every cell in my body and slowly filled these positive changes in my routine. 

At the end of it, I still keep wondering - Did I do the right thing by quitting when i was at the so called peak of my career? And while I got pensive over this, my 7 year old daughter came rushing after she had given her exams and hugged me and said - " The exam was EEEEasy. I could have written it in 5 minutes and I wrote very neatly. I love you Mom. Because of you I am now a maths whizkid, wrote all my exams well, I cook, I play shuttle and am going to do a lot many more :) You are the best!"

Guess that answered the nagging question in my mind! This was the microcosm I so wanted for myself and I felt like a Queen:)